Outbreak: The New Nightmare

In Outbreak: The New Nightmare, you’ll choose between six playable characters, each with their own strengths and weaknesses. Kane, for example, is an artist who is weaker than the other characters, but he starts with a lockpick (which is actually kind of a strange choice, because Elena is a burglar and a trained assassin, and she doesn’t start with a lockpick). Ivy is a model with enhanced healing.

I decided to pick Harry, who is an athlete-turned-firefighter. The determining factor for me was that he has the most inventory space. In Outbreak: The New Nightmare, inventory space is excruciatingly limited, so those extra storage slots can be a real lifesaver.

However, Harry has one big weakness. No, I’m not talking about his inability to mix healing items (but really, he can’t do that); I’m referring to the fact that his pants are too darn tight. Just look at this guy.

Outbreak: The New Nightmare

Even worse, the back of the pants sort of droop a bit, so Harry is just millimeters away from showing some crack at any given time.

Now, I get it. That extra inventory comes at a cost, and that cost seems to be a belt. But I’m not so sure it’s worth it. I can’t run more than a few feet without thinking about those pants. Every time the slightest hint of a shadow hits the fleshy stripe between Harry’s shirt and his jeans, my mind insists I just got a glimpse of some back-tion.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with a little bit of tasteful butt action now and again, and to be fair, this has been an issue with female character models for ages. It’s actually kind of refreshing to have a dude in the low-pants hot seat for a change.

Still, the will-they-won’t-they relationship the game camera seems to have with Harry’s butt seems like a huge distraction when the focus should be on surviving in an unforgiving zombie apocalypse.

Maybe I’ll try out Elena, who won’t even show most of her face, and I’ll just have to learn to deal with the reduced inventory space. After spending more than an hour with Harry, I’m more than ready to exchange those two inventory slots for a freaking belt.

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