Are you tired of monster-like creatures chasing your girlfriend while occasionally knocking over killer venus flytraps? Are you tired of dodging random monsters that crawl out of portals linking this world with hell? Well, here’s a solution for you: Why not break into people’s homes and rummage through their shit to try to assemble whatever you find into a weapon to kill the monster?

Seriously, why not? Because if you play Blueprint, you can. That appears to be the storyline of this 1982 adventure from Zilec Electronics/Jaleco/and also apparently Bally Midway.

“That’s ridiculous,” you say. Well, shut the hell up! Are you calling me a liar?

I spent my entire childhood locked in a closet, surviving solely on termites that had infested the walls. I obtained water when people flushed the leaky second-floor toilet. And let me tell you, in a household modeled sternly on the motto “If it’s yellow, let it mellow,” those flushes didn’t come very often.

So, I’m sorry, but I don’t appreciate it when you use the word ridiculous to describe Blueprint‘s plot.

Sorry. I lost my temper there. Now where was I?

Oh right, Blueprint. This game is fun, in a not-a-complete-piece-of-shit way. Enjoy it, or don’t. Just don’t doubt the veracity of its storyline again.

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