Hitman 3

With Hitman 3‘s hefty 3.11 update, the game received a bunch of new content, including some brand-new Featured Contracts. Like the MinnMax contracts from earlier in February, these ones were created by popular online personalities. This time, the personalities in question are the folks at Kinda Funny, and the contracts send Agent 47 back to everyone’s favorite murder mansion in Dartmoor, England.

So let’s walk through these five new challenges!

How to play the Kinda Funny Featured Contracts in Hitman 3

Just like before, there are two ways to access these contracts. The Kinda Funny Featured Contracts are on the front page of the Hitman 3 main menu right now (though they probably won’t be for long).

Hitman 3 - Kinda Funny Featured Contracts

The other way to get to this content is to go to the Game Modes section of the main menu, then select Contracts. On the contracts menu, select the Featured Contracts option. The Kinda Funny challenges are a part of this massive list (which includes Featured Challenges from MinnMax, as well as from the previous Hitman World of Assassination games).

Hitman 3 - Minnmax

Now here’s a complete breakdown of these challenges:

The Mystery of the Tricky Trio

Hitman 3 - Kinda Funny Featured Contracts

This challenge asks you to murder three individuals, each using a specific weapon.

The Mission Briefing reads:

Agent 47, we’re sending you back to the Carlisle Mansion. This time, it’s to create a mystery rather than solve one. Use a saber, a unicorn horn, and poison to eliminate three key individuals. It is advised that you take out the private investigator, steal his disguise, and potentially frame him for the tricky murders of two high-key hirees of the mansion. Be careful, being detected will compromise the whole mission. Do you have what it takes?

Your objectives:

  • Target: Eliminate Phinas Whitmer with a saber.
  • Target: Eliminate Mr. Fernsby with a unicorn horn while disguised as the Private Investigator.
  • Target: Eliminate Flynn Sharp with consumed poison while disguised as the Private Investigator.
  • Complication: Avoid anyone seeing you performing any illegal action.
  • Complication: Do not get recorded by a security camera during the mission. If you are recorded, you must destroy the recordings.

Here’s a walkthrough video that shows how I completed this:

If you’ve reached Dartmoor Location Mastery Level 18, you will have unlocked the ability to start at the main road just as the family meeting is starting. I highly recommend using this as your starting area, because otherwise you’ll be doing a lot of waiting (it takes the Private Investigator forever just to get into the mansion, then he spends a bunch of time talking to Madam Carlisle and Mr. Fernby).

So, there are three items here that you’re going to need. The saber, the wrench, and the unicorn horn. Add either the greenhouse key or a crowbar to that list if you don’t toss a lockpick into your loadout. But really, the lockpick is the better choice I think.

You can also cut out some time by tossing some poison or the Handyman Wrench into your loadout, but it’s not entirely necessary. You’ll have plenty of time to make poison while the Private Investigator is futzing around.

The saber is the first thing you want to grab. You can find that just outside of Mr. Fernsby’s office in a box of wine bottles. If you approach the front of the mansion, go to the right-most open window and crawl through that. You’ll be practically on top of the saber.

Hitman 3 - Dartmoor Saber

Once you have the saber, there will be bit of a wait before the Private Investigator is isolated (and an even longer wait if you chose the default starting location rather than the one that skips to the family meeting). While you’re waiting, you might as well head to the greenhouse to make some poison. If you can get yourself a disguise, this next part will be much, much easier. In fact, there’s a locker room just west of where you find the saber, and you can grab a mansion guard disguise here (it’s inside a locker, so you’ll need a lockpick), as well as a wrench. And the disguise will allow you to carry the saber in public. Just be warned that the mansion guard uniform is (mostly) only good outside the mansion. You can use the staff areas, but you’ll be trespassing when you enter other parts of the mansion or the greenhouse.

On your way to the greenhouse, grab the unicorn horn (you’ll break it off the railing near the fountain) and the wrench that’s sitting on the rim of the fountain (if you didn’t get the one in the locker room already — I got both wrenches for the sake of the video so you can see where both of them are). Then go into the greenhouse, fix the distillation kit (this requires the wrench), and make some poison using the flowers that should be right next to you. Make sure you crouch while you’re in the greenhouse, and grab the boat key while you’re in here in case you want to exfiltrate by boat later on. Now your assassin’s toolkit is complete and you’re ready to do some killin’.

You can actually wait outside for the Private Detective, because he’ll eventually wander out back. Here, you have a chance to distract him with some coins so you can stab him and take his outfit, then hide the body in a wicker chest. Make sure you drop the saber here too, because you can’t be seen holding it while wearing the Private Investigator disguise.

At this point, you should try to find an opening to poison the photographer, then you can make your way to Mr. Fernby to ask to see the crime scene. It should be easy to get Mr. Fernby isolated so you can stab him with the unicorn horn and hide the body before you make your great escape.

You can poison the photographer before you change into the Private Investigator disguise. You just need to be wearing the disguise when he dies. Just don’t poison him too early or you won’t have time to get the disguise on.

One thing I should point out here that if the Private Investigator or Mr. Fernby catch you while you’re killing them, it won’t void Silent Assassin, but it will count against the “Avoid anyone seeing you performing any illegal action” complication.

Don’t You Know That You’re Toxic?

Hitman 3 - Kinda Funny Featured Contracts

This challenge requires you to do a whole lot of poisoning.

The Mission Briefing reads:

Flynn Sharp was a heartbreaker. After having an affair with two of Madam Carlisle’s children, he put the family name in jeopardy. Madam Carlisle wanted them all taken off the board, and she wanted it done quietly with a lethal dose of poison. What she didn’t know before she paid 47, is that he had a contract on her as well…

Your objectives:

  • Target: Eliminate Flynn Sharp with consumed poison while disguised as the Private Investigator.
  • Target: Eliminate Edward Carlisle with consumed poison while disguised as a bodyguard.
  • Target: Eliminate Rebecca Carlisle with consumed poison while disguised as a bodyguard.
  • Target: Eliminate Alexa Carlisle with consumed poison while disguised as a bodyguard.
  • Complication: If you shoot at an NPC and miss the head, you will immediately fail the mission.
  • Complication: If any non-targets are eliminated, you will immediately fail the mission.
  • Complication: If any shot does not hit an NPC, the mission will immediately fail.

Here’s a walkthrough video:

For this one, I like to start in Zachary’s bedroom as the Private Investigator. That way you don’t have to chase down the actual Private Investigator to get your first disguise and you can shave off a whole bunch of waiting time (and with four poisonings, there’s a lot of waiting time here). If you take the ladder from Zachary’s balcony, there’s a trash area on the side of the house, and you can find some emetic poison there.

From here, you’re going to want to head down into Mr. Fernby’s office, where there’s a bottle of lethal poison pills sitting in a window sill. Grab that, then stop in the staff area to grab some emetic poison (on the washing machines). While you’re there, you can grab a wrench in the locker room if you’d like, or you can grab the one on the fountain (I grab them both in the video so you can see where both of them are).

On your way out to the greenhouse, poison the photographer’s water bottle (next to the lemonade) with the lethal pills, then go make some more poison. Remember, there’s a wrench in the staff locker room, and there’s also one on the rim of the fountain near the greenhouse (I got both of them in the walkthrough video so you can see where both of them are).

In the greenhouse, use the emetic poison, plus the two flowers you find next to the distillation kit, and make three more lethal poison. You might want to crouch here because making poison is an illegal activity, and once in a while a guard will spot you making it.

Now you want to poison the Carlisles, but before you do, you’ll need to change into a bodyguard outfit. There’s a lonesome bodyguard on Zachary’s balcony, and that’s the one I find easiest to take down without arousing suspicion. (If you watch the video, you’ll notice that I take out this guard in the very beginning of the run so I can return to him and grab his outfit later on).

Edward has a coffee sitting on his piano, and Rebecca is drinking out of a water bottle that’s on a little table in the room where she’s pacing (just observe her for a little while and you’ll see her drink out of it).

Alexa Carlisle is going to be the tricky one. There is a glass of whiskey in the family room, but it’s heavily guarded. Plus, Alexa will only drink from this if she calls the family meeting, and I’m not sure she’ll do that if any of the family members are dead.

The better option is the cup of tea in her bedroom. This one is also heavily guarded, but you can bypass the main guard who’s going to give you trouble (the one in the hallway) by exiting Alexa’s study via the secret passage, then waiting until he’s distracted by the maid before you leave.

At this point, it’s just a waiting game. Go wait by your favorite exfiltration point and wait for the targets to die. Then speed off and complete the mission.

The Assassination of GJM

Hitman 3 - Kinda Funny Featured Contracts

You’ve got three more targets, and this time you’re going to have to do the full thing in your suit. This is a SASO (Silent Assassin, Suit Only) challenge, folks.

The Mission Briefing reads:

An open contract has been issued by Kinda Funny co-founder Greg Miller. All he said was, “There can only be one” before laughing hysterically. Your mission is to eliminate these poor souls… Gregory… James… and Mr. Miller.

Your objectives:

  • Target: Eliminate Gregory Carlisle with a pistol while wearing your suit.
  • Target: Eliminate James Clarke with a unicorn horn while wearing your suit.
  • Target: Eliminate Joseph Miller with a unicorn horn while wearing your suit.
  • Complication: Avoid anyone seeing you performing any illegal action.
  • Complication: Do not get recorded by a security camera during the mission. If you are recorded, you must destroy the recordings.

Here’s a video of me completing this challenge:

It’s the SASO thing that makes this one tricky. When you kill Gregory with the pistol, you’ll have to hide his body if you want to preserve your Silent Assassin rating. The same is true of your other targets, but Gregory is the one that’s going to be the trickiest. He’s surrounded by other people, and he’s in a big, wide-open room. He also rarely leaves the couch.

So here’s the loadout I recommend:

Hitman 3

I use the Silverballer because it’s the most accurate pistol in the game, and then the rest of my slots are filled with coins. And I like to start behind the mansion.

So, definitely go for Gregory first. He’s way, way harder than the other two, and once you have Gregory down, the rest of the mission is actually super easy.

I wind my way through the garden, taking out the guy who’s smoking and the photographer. This is not completely necessary, but one of those two people almost always spots me if they’re not taken care of first.

I also take out the butlers who wander the hall between the room where Gregory is and the room where Edward is playing piano. They both have a tendency to walk up and down that hallway, and those doors are made of glass. There’s a perfect line of sight to where I’m going to try to lure Gregory for the kill.

Now, you can lure Gregory out with coins, but your aim and timing have to both be precise. If one of the other Carlisles is talking to him, he usually won’t go after the coin. If you throw it too close to the couch, he’ll send one of the guards to pick it up. And if the PI is anywhere near the room, he’ll usually be the one to check out any coin sounds. Gregory is seriously one of the laziest NPCs in this entire game, and if he can send someone else to look for a coin, he won’t move his insufferable butt an inch.

The reason I bring extra coins is because it takes three coins to properly lure him out, and if I lose one coin to a guard or someone else, then I don’t have enough to pull this off. Six coins is the right amount here.

If you can find the perfect opportunity, though, you can pull Gregory out onto the back patio area (or into the hall), put a bullet in his head, and hide him in the wicker basket.

Once he’s down, the other two are a cinch. You can lure Joseph Miller out by turning off the generator, and James Clarke tends to be isolated. Get a good location and toss a coin into the bushes. Go for the kill when he’s picking up the coin. You can hide both of these bodies in the bushes and you should be fine — at least long enough to escape and get that Silent Assassin rating.

The Butler’s Butcher

Hitman 3 - Kinda Funny Featured Contracts

In this challenge, Dartmoor’s faithful butler, Mr. Fernsby, is plotting a wicked scheme, so Agent 47 is tasked with executing an even wickeder scheme.

The Mission Briefing reads:

Gregory Carlisle is well aware of the butler’s scheming. He knows Fernsby has brought to Dartmoor two Americans to aid in his theft and subsequent liquidation of Madam Carlisle’s assets. Gregory knows Fernsby has more than enough dirt on him to lock him away, so he has hired you to deal with his situation. Gregory loves a good laugh, so much like the pigs Fernsby has carved for him, he wants you to cleave the butler’s buddies. For Fernsby, make it look accidental to ease the death on his mom.

Your objectives:

  • Target: Eliminate Aron Ford Jr. with a cleaver while disguised as Mansion Staff.
  • Target: Eliminate Mr. Fernsby in an accident while disguised as Mansion Staff.
  • Target: Eliminate Elaine Sutton with a cleaver while disguised as Mansion Staff.
  • Complication: Only one exit is active for the mission.
  • Complication: Avoid collateral damage, by only eliminating your Targets.

Here’s a video walkthrough:

If you start in the library, you’ll already be wearing the Mansion Staff disguise. Plus, you’ll be in the same room as one of your targets (and Mr. Fernsby visits the library regularly as well). So you’re pretty well set up to have a good, clean run with the library as a starting point.

The very first thing you should do is grab the cleaver. As you might have guessed, it’s in the kitchen (near the staff break area). Here’s a map:

Hitman 3 - Dartmoor Cleaver

Be careful when you grab the cleaver. It’s an illegal item, so you want to make sure no one sees you pick it up, and you’ll need to sheath it immediately as to not around suspicion. The made at the stove turns around frequently to face the hunk of meat where the cleaver is, so make sure her back is toward you before you grab the cleaver.

You can go back to the library to try to take out the maid at this point, but know that there’s going to be a lot of dialogue between Patrick and Mr. Fernsby. You might want to go for the lawyer first.

The lawyer is on the second floor, in the room across the hall from Zachery’s, which means there’s high security here. Thankfully, you can access Zachery’s room via the balcony, then cross the hall (behind the guards) and get into the room where the lawyer is sitting at a desk. There will be a guard who paces the room, so you want to enter while he’s looking out the window. You can pacify him, chuck the cleaver at the lawyer, then hide both bodies. You can now cross the hall back into Zachery’s room and use the secret passage to sneak away.

Head back to the library.

Now, before you kill the maid, you need to deal with Patrick. He hits on her incessantly, and he won’t let her out of his line of sight unless you do something about it. There’s a trunk underneath the staircase, and you can toss a coin back there to get a clean knockout without arousing any suspicion. Just watch Mr. Fernby’s movements, because he’ll walk in an out of the library occasionally, especially in the beginning portion of this loop.

You can now finish off the maid, but this is way less risky if you toss a coin over by the chest (just like you did with Patrick). Note that another staff member comes in to start arranging books at some point. He is an enforcer, but he’s not super attentive. You can take him out if you want, and hide his body in the bathroom just outside the library.

As for Mr. Fernsby, the library (and the hallway just beyond it) makes for a great kill room, since you’ve already cleared it out. You can lure Fernsby back to the library early using coins once, so long as you can reach him as soon as he’s done talking to the Private Investigator.

You have two options for accidents here: You can lure Mr. Fernsby underneath the chandelier and drop it on him, or you can knock him out and chuck him off the balcony. If you go with the latter method, you’ll want to close the doors to the second-floor library so the guards don’t see you dropping the body.

And then you can escape.

The exit for this mission is the motorcycle, but it’s not marked for some reason. You can walk straight out the front gate while disguised as Mansion Staff, and no one should pay you any mind.

Revenge of the Rhododendron Ferrugineum

Hitman 3 - Kinda Funny Featured Contracts

And once more into the fray! Are you ready to do some more poisoning? Good, because there are four more targets to poison, this time while disguised as a gardener.

The Mission Briefing reads:

It’s a shame what happened to Zachary Carlisle. Now he won’t get to see those rhododendron ferrugineum blossom, they were his favorites. Those plants are more than just pretty flowers though, they are also highly toxic, and can be distilled into a deadly poison.

It’s time to take revenge against those family members and guards that would only disparage his passion. Zachary Carlisle might be dead, but his rare plants will live on forever!

Your objectives:

  • Target: Eliminate Edward Carlisle with consumed poison while disguised as a gardener.
  • Target: Eliminate Rebecca Carlisle with consumed poison while disguised as a gardener.
  • Target: Eliminate Albert Hill with consumed poison while disguised as a gardener.
  • Target: Eliminate Isaac King with consumed poison while disguised as a gardener.

Here’s a walkthrough video:

This honestly isn’t that much different from the previous poison challenge, only all of your targets are in the garden (or close to it) and you need to be disguised as a gardener. Since you don’t have to change costumes or sneak up to the mansion’s heavily guarded third floor, this one should be the easier of the two.

To get all the poison, you’ll need to make it from emetic poison. In case you don’t remember where that is, there are two plants in the greenhouse, then a batch of rat poison on the side of the house and one in the staff area. There’s also a wrench on the lip of the fountain, and another one in the staff locker room. Plus, there’s a bottle of poison pills in Mr. Fernsby’s office, in case you want to have a spare. Gather all this, then head to the greenhouse to make some poison.

Now, just sneak a bit of poison into the drink of each target, one at a time. If you’re not sure which drinks to poison, just scout out each target for a while and watch to see what they’re drinking.

It’s a good idea to have some coins on hand so you can distract anyone who might be watching a glass that you need to poison.

All in all, this is the easiest of the five Kinda Funny challenges.

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