Internet Cafe Simulator 2

Internet Cafe Simulator 2 isn’t exactly what it sounds like. Sure, this is a game in which you set up and manage your own internet café, but this takes place in a bizarre, seedy world where nothing really makes any sense. Let me explain.

On my first day, before I even entered my shop, a homeless guy told me I had to give him $100 or some dudes would rough me up. I figured he was probably bluffing, but I was itching to get my store open, so I handed him the cash and hoped that would be the last I saw of that guy.

He came back the next day, but instead of trying to get more money from me, he asked me to punch a dude in the face for him. Because this is a video game and not real life, I decided what the heck? Let’s go show this vaguely Vin Diesel-looking dude what’s what. I complied, and the homeless guy gave me $200 for my efforts. I have no idea where he got all that cash in a single day, but hey, that’s $100 in profit before I even had any customers.

Now, speaking of customers… once I got settled in, it was a weird flock of characters who decided to make my shop their new hangout. My most loyal customer spends his time… well, you can see for yourself.

Internet Cafe Simulator 2

At least he’s comfortable, I guess. And, I mean, he pays for his time, so…

But what on earth is this abomination?

Internet Cafe Simulator 2

Just watching these characters walk around is kind of painful, because most of them haven’t figured out quite how to do it yet, and you’ll see legs sort of just swoosh through other legs, or just kind of swing around lifelessly. Oh, and there are dogs that run around, then just kind of give up on life and drop dead right in the middle of the street. I really haven’t figured out why.

Now, to get back to my shop, on my second day of operation, some random guy just walked in, grabbed my computer monitor, and disappeared into the odd-walking crowd before I could even figure out what was happening. Because I opted for the slightly more expensive model, this put me out $350. And in one fell swoop, all that Vin Diesel-punching profit was flushed down the toilet…

I also have people who just walk up and shut down the power for no apparent reason, which is hugely annoying. And if it’s raining outside, it will also be raining in your apartment. I don’t know if that’s a game bug, or if the developers actually programmed leaks in the apartment ceiling.

Oh, and for some reason, a random person might decide to lob a bomb into your shop for no reason other than to simply bring some chaos into your life, I guess.

All of this is to say that this game takes place in a very strange world. The thing is, I kind of get the feeling it’s the exact sort of world that Internet Cafe Simulator 2 was made in. It’s a sleazy place, where profit margins are king and the people are just lifeless husks to be exploited for everything they’ve got.

And what’s this?

Internet Cafe Simulator 2

I mean, that scans, I suppose.

Internet Cafe Simulator 2 is a bit of a mess, but I can’t deny there’s a weird, shady appeal to it. It’s actually pretty fun to micromanage your little shop, slowly expanding and upgrading (and buying cryptocurrency) until you’re the king of this little slice of town. The core gameplay loop is satisfying, and more importantly, most of the jank is really kind of entertaining. I haven’t experienced anything game-breaking yet, though at one point there was allegedly a bug that could wipe your save file (it appears to have been fixed).

Ultimately, Internet Cafe Simulator 2 is not for people looking for a highly polished game experience. In fact, it’s not really for people who just want to play a simple café management game — there’s too much jank, and too much weird stuff happening all the time for this to appeal to most folks. But if you’re looking for something that’s kind of bizarre and sleazy, and you don’t mind a ridiculous lack of polish, you might find something here that you enjoy.

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