Lord of the Rings: Gollum

When The Lord of the Rings: Gollum was announced back in 2021, I think it was a safe bet to assume most people, despite how they felt about Gollum, were probably a little surprised to see the little scamp was getting their own game. They certainly are one of the more standout aspects of the books and films, but by and large, aside from their curious speech pattern and junky appearance, there isn’t a whole lot going on with them that you think would warrant further examination. Especially in game form — what would that even look like?

As it turns out, it would look like crap and result in gameplay just as crappy, if reviews and impressions are to be believed. So despite what some may have hoped, pretty much across the board the consensus is, no matter how you slice it, The Lord of the Rings: Gollum is simply not good. As you might expect, the frustration and disappointment from the gaming sphere has spilled over into the review section on Steam, a proving ground for some of the internet’s most scathing and well-crafted takedowns.

Lord of the Rings: Gollum

And after taking a lovely stroll through the lambasting meadows of user review comments, I started to notice that more than a few had received a reply from someone on the LotR: Gollum development team, Daedalic Entertainment (in addition to the studio’s recently tweeted black background apology image of shame). But from the looks of things, Daedalic has got your back if you are not happy with the current state of the game.

Have a look for yourself:

As you can see here — straight from the developer’s horse’s mouth, or whatever — even though Gollum is, by most if not all accounts, complete and utter garbage, a patch is coming that will “improve the game experience.” So we can all rejoice!

Lousy frame rates? Patch! Underwhelming graphics? Patch! Don’t like the strung-out look of the Gollum character model? Patch! Feeling like the $60 price tag (on PC no less) is highway robbery? Patch! Not happy with the basic core gameplay or mission structures and mechanics or really anything else on offer? Patch. On your deathbed suffering from a lethal case of gamer-thumbs and Dorito-itis? Patch Adams!

Lord of the Rings: Gollum

Obviously I am having a bit of fun here, and I do apologize if you feel it is at the expense of the poor souls that bought this game at full price (to say nothing of the ones who paid for the more expensive versions, thus cementing their acceptance into Heaven once they reach the afterlife). But my point is that seldom has there been a patch that could fix — let alone resurrect — a game from the fiery pits of Sauron, or whatever the hell The Lord of the Rings is about. And this is clearly a B-tier product at best, with no real incentive to make it any better than they already did before having the gall to release it.

This isn’t to say that Daedalic is nefarious or even totally at fault here; this could have been a lack of budget or just the wrong game for the wrong studio. But whatever happened, a patch is probably not going to fix everything — possibly not even most things. It most certainly isn’t going to turn The Lord of the Rings: Gollum into a Game of the Year contender. Hopefully it can, at the very least, turn it into a game that people want to play and feel is worth the high cost of entry. But I wouldn’t hold my breath.

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